Reality TV

Dee fowateen in tha Big Brutha Howse; wan foughty-seven pee em.

Tha mice are in tha hole in tha skirtin boward, talkin aboot tha cat.

Whitey: "That Fluffy's nothing but a dirty alley-cat, the filthy hooah."

Three-legs: "She should never have been allowed back in the house, it's against the rules. I've got a good mind to walk out...er, limp out."

Tha cat is in tha Di-aree Room, talkin to Big Brutha.

Fluffy: "...and then he gave me a mouse. I mean, I'm not being funny, right, but I thought it was dead. So I was, you know, like, quite pleased, yeah? I went to pick it up and the little <tweet tweet> jumped up and made a run for it! I tried to grab it, but all I got was a <tweet tweet> leg! What use is that to man or beast?"

Big Brother: "Do you have anything else you'd like to tell Big Brother?"

Fluffy: "Well, I don't know how much longer I can keep it a secret from the other house-mates; I'm sure two-legs suspects it already..."

Big Brother: "Big Brother is sure you'll manage. The Diary Room door is now open."

Fluffy: "Oh...and my sardine ration has run out - any chance of -"

Big Brother: "Goodbye, Fluffy."

Haiku

Cat, you look for love
Between deep night and daybreak
Stop making that noise

Romance.

.......The look from cat was well received, the tom responding with seductive purrs. What cat decides next could have serious ramifications on her future. A juicy mouse, by way of a gift was presented to her. She accepted, a grin appearing across her whiskered mouth. The candles burned brightly in the living room. The two-legs were out, could this be the taking of her......

The gruesome sights and smells lingering in her sensitive nostrils, the cat fled, velvet paws leaving barely a trace as she scurried from room to room back out of the hellhole, emerging into the cool, black night.

Finally outside, she sniffed the air delicately. An owl hooted above her, and she ran like a streak of lightening across the pavement and through the flapping pet-door of the bungalow owned by the two-legs she had commandeered. The two-legs was sitting in an armchair, reading a novel and drinking tea. The cat leaped into his lap, positioning herself driectly between the book and his nose, as was customary.

"Damnit, Fluffy - why is it every time I'm reading you want to snuggle?" The two-legs pushed her out of the chair. "I suppose you have been out looking for romance."

The cat gave him the look....

Limerick

There was a young moggy from Earth,
Who on a spaceship took a berth,
The captain, though dashing,
Was too keen on slashing,
So she ran off and hid in the hearth.

..........the flash of the blade was spotted by the cat, and she ducked under the blade. Making off as fast as possible, she blundered into a room where she really didn't want to be. A research facility. Horrific sights confronted the cat, blood was everywhere. Cat parts, human parts, and some other parts that Cat couldn't make out. This wasn't good.
There was a movement to Cats left, she ducked. The thing kept coming. She ducked again.
"Run", she said to herself, "Run".
She ran, and.............

Horror

Space Cat beckoned for her to go with him. The cat followed Space Cat towards the ship. She was enthralled by Space Cat's presence and thrilled to be with him, but as soon as she stepped into the ship, she realised something was wrong.

Badly wrong.

The interior of the ship was dimly lit, and had a peculiar smell. A metallic smell, and the cat was reminded of the taste of old pennies. She glanced around. And then she saw them. It was carnage. Bodies were piled up all over the place. The floor was sticky with blood. The cat swallowed hard, trying not to gag.

"What happened?", she asked Space Cat. "Why have you brought me here?"

Space Cat smiled. And as soon as he did, the cat realised that her hero was not all he seemed.

"You were brought here for a reason, cat." said Space Cat. "You are one of the chosen ones."

"Chosen for what?", asked the cat, delicately stepping over a severed head. She was conscious of her paws slipping and sliding around in the blood - evidence it was fresh.

Space Cat's sardonic grin stretched wider. "You're one of the chosen ones", he repeated. "Few have the opportunity to serve. You are very fortunate, cat."

"Serve who?" asked the cat, wondering if there was some sort of bizarre dinner party in the offing.

"The great one. Come with me, my pretty", said Space Cat.

The cat backed away. Hero worship was perhaps better in theory. But she wasn't quick enough. There was a flash of silver, and a hiss as the knife cut through the air....