Friday, 4 May 2012

Zombie cat has been mulling things over ever since Daisy sewed his head on backwards and the birds kept teasing and pecking at him. Eventually he came up with a cunning, Baldrick style plan! He bent over and stuck his head between his legs so he could see the birds taking the piss.

However, he didn't count on the next door neighbours queer Rottweiler being loose. The scream could be heard from miles around!!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Daisy's revenge!

The Zombie cat awoke from the anaesthetic after having his severed head sewn back on. Daisy was very proud of her surgery. She always knew tha Haynes manual for her Honda ss50 would come in handy.

Zombie cat seemed to be feeling the after-effects of the 5 minute operation and was stumbling around, crashing into things and eventually falling down the stairs. Daisy put him in the garden while she made lunch. After a few minutes Daisy noticed a lot of birds dancing in front of Zombie cat, chirping wildly, pecking at him. This was unusual, as Zombie cat was normally a nasty bastard to the birds (as all cats are) and they never used to get so close to him...............but when your head's been sewn on backwards!...

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Rise of the Zombie Cat

"Ohmygod, I thought you were dead!" exclaimed Daisy, "I've been so worried about you. Where have you been? Here, let me brush your fur."

Zombie Cat curled up in Daisy's lap as she started to brush him, then as her hand came close, he sank his teeth into her arm.

"Ow! That's not a very nice way to say hello. I think you've drawn blood. Hey, stop chewing me you naughty kitty! I mean it. Ow! Get off me!"

But Zombie Cat kept gnawing at her, struggling against her as she fought him off with her brush while still trying to smooth his fur.

"Mraow, braaaains!"

"No brains for you, bad kitty! You'll have tuna and like it. Have you been fighting? Your fur's coming out in lumps. And you seem to be missing a leg. Where's my first aid kit? And my samurai sword?"

Zombie Cat was still gnawing at her as she lopped off his head, but after that he relaxed enough for her to pick him up, wash the blood off and start brushing his fur again.

"There, that's better. Now just wait here while I find my sewing kit and some air freshener and I'll soon have you looking - and smelling - as good as new."

Saturday, 18 December 2010

A wee bit o' Seuss, for the end of 2010

Oh, up on high
on the top of Mount Mousie,
our Cat Hero now lives
wearing waistcoat and trousies.

His computer woes
were all finally sorted
and the processes were aborted.

With suitcase of beer
and curry take-away,
he hiked up yon mountain
he did it today.

And now he's well hidden
on top of Mount Mousie.
The view is astounding
when the weather's not lousy.

He's abandoned the missus
the wretched old sod
he lives now on liver
and salted dried cod.

Why did he do this?
You ask, so I'll tell ya:
Our Cat Hero boy
Is in love with a fella.

The realization quite boggled him,
He's quite puzzled, true.
And so he's retreated,
to think these things through.

What will Jimmy Cat do?
How will his life play out?
I don't know for sure,
That cantankerous old trout.

In the meantime he's stationed
on Mount Mousie's top,
doing his best Grinch impersonation
(I wish he would stop).

And that is the latest,
of Jimmy Cat and his beer.
If you know any more,
Please write it down here.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010


There are no more. They have gone.

We must carry on.
With suitcases.
And a beer.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

O,h my ears and whiskers...

The time. It gets away from me. It's been almost a week since the last post, I am shocked to realize.

So. Wrestling the new computer into submission has been time-consuming. 2003 versions of software aren't so compatible with Windows 7. Who knew?

Yeah. Me, too. But I had to give it a shot.
And that's all I've got to say about that. Chocolate, anyone?

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Auld Lang's Whine

"It's been a feckin' year since anyone's paid us any mind," said Jimmy.

And the Mrs. had to admit, it was the feckin' truth.

"Shite, then. Sure an' how about a bit o' Fellatio to stave off the boredom," said Jimmy.

"What? At this time o' the night?" howled the Mrs..

"I'm not singin' feckin' opera at this hour, ya feckless twat!"