"Ohmygod, I thought you were dead!" exclaimed Daisy, "I've been so worried about you. Where have you been? Here, let me brush your fur."
Zombie Cat curled up in Daisy's lap as she started to brush him, then as her hand came close, he sank his teeth into her arm.
"Ow! That's not a very nice way to say hello. I think you've drawn blood. Hey, stop chewing me you naughty kitty! I mean it. Ow! Get off me!"
But Zombie Cat kept gnawing at her, struggling against her as she fought him off with her brush while still trying to smooth his fur.
"Mraow, braaaains!"
"No brains for you, bad kitty! You'll have tuna and like it. Have you been fighting? Your fur's coming out in lumps. And you seem to be missing a leg. Where's my first aid kit? And my samurai sword?"
Zombie Cat was still gnawing at her as she lopped off his head, but after that he relaxed enough for her to pick him up, wash the blood off and start brushing his fur again.
"There, that's better. Now just wait here while I find my sewing kit and some air freshener and I'll soon have you looking - and smelling - as good as new."
Showing posts with label sad lonely cat lady. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad lonely cat lady. Show all posts
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Monday, 10 March 2008
419
From: Lady Hypnos Pearly Pandora.
No:36 Old Shrewberry Street,
London England.
Beloved,
I am Lady Hypnos Pearly Pandora, suffering from cancerous ailment.I used to be married to Sir Rosjoy Goldentouch an English aristocat of very high breeding who is dead and resting peacefully. My husband was an able-bodied seaman all his life before he passed. Our life together as man and wife lasted for three minutes without offsprings. My husband died after a protracted illness in an accident he got from Africa while on humanitarian duties. He was shot while scavenging from dustbins, then cooked and eaten. My husband,while he was alive made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament.I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from the marriage, which never came.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of Twenty Million Pounds (20,000,000.00 Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling)which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with his bank here in UK. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from. Which effect my grammer; syntax and speling.
Though what bothers me most is the Tennis Elbow that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen me, I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially, such as people who are obliged to live Up North.
I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husbands relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy individuals and I do not want my husbands hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures such as dolphin-flavoured catfood. I do not want this money to be misused hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husbands relatives around me. I do not want them to know about this development because i want the money used for the Less Previledged. Also, holding a telephone is quite tricky in my predicament.
My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to hear from you soon.You can contact me through my personal email address at: pandorafunds419@hotmail.scam
Thanking you in advance for everything,
Sincerely yours,
Lady Hypnos Pearly Pandora
No:36 Old Shrewberry Street,
London England.
Beloved,
I am Lady Hypnos Pearly Pandora, suffering from cancerous ailment.I used to be married to Sir Rosjoy Goldentouch an English aristocat of very high breeding who is dead and resting peacefully. My husband was an able-bodied seaman all his life before he passed. Our life together as man and wife lasted for three minutes without offsprings. My husband died after a protracted illness in an accident he got from Africa while on humanitarian duties. He was shot while scavenging from dustbins, then cooked and eaten. My husband,while he was alive made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals as he had passion for persons who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament.I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from the marriage, which never came.
When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of Twenty Million Pounds (20,000,000.00 Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling)which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market with his bank here in UK. Presently, this money is still with the Bank. Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from. Which effect my grammer; syntax and speling.
Though what bothers me most is the Tennis Elbow that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen me, I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husbands effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially, such as people who are obliged to live Up North.
I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husbands relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy individuals and I do not want my husbands hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures such as dolphin-flavoured catfood. I do not want this money to be misused hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husbands relatives around me. I do not want them to know about this development because i want the money used for the Less Previledged. Also, holding a telephone is quite tricky in my predicament.
My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein. Hope to hear from you soon.You can contact me through my personal email address at: pandorafunds419@hotmail.scam
Thanking you in advance for everything,
Sincerely yours,
Lady Hypnos Pearly Pandora
Thursday, 10 January 2008
Singleton chicklit
Thursday 10th Jan. Still single.
Was hoping to be writing about my new man, Tom, but the fucker decided to run off after our date last night.
FUCKER!
Had so much fun (note to self: too much fun? Is this bad?) and felt like we really clicked. Disgracefully, let him shag me on our first date. Am dreadful old sleazy floozy.
Obviously was not hard enought to get, as once he'd got he legged it.
Did I give him my number? Can't remember. Damn, damn, damn.
Ha. Will ignore him if (when?) he calls, and pretend have many other gorgeous possible dates after me. That'll teach him. He will then keep calling me and professing undying love. Need to work on my sexy rejection voice for the first few calls.
(Later)
Unless (horrible thought!) he calls round. FUCK! He might turn up on the doorstep, calling for me! I look like shit!
Need a serious grooming session...my hair is a disgrace!
(Much later, much, much later)
Oh, what's the point?
Fuck it.
Where's those sardines?
Was hoping to be writing about my new man, Tom, but the fucker decided to run off after our date last night.
FUCKER!
Had so much fun (note to self: too much fun? Is this bad?) and felt like we really clicked. Disgracefully, let him shag me on our first date. Am dreadful old sleazy floozy.
Obviously was not hard enought to get, as once he'd got he legged it.
Did I give him my number? Can't remember. Damn, damn, damn.
Ha. Will ignore him if (when?) he calls, and pretend have many other gorgeous possible dates after me. That'll teach him. He will then keep calling me and professing undying love. Need to work on my sexy rejection voice for the first few calls.
(Later)
Unless (horrible thought!) he calls round. FUCK! He might turn up on the doorstep, calling for me! I look like shit!
Need a serious grooming session...my hair is a disgrace!
(Much later, much, much later)
Oh, what's the point?
Fuck it.
Where's those sardines?
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