Friday, 14 December 2007
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
'A HAT LAY ON THE DUSTY MAT'.
This is not acceptable, too much risk of asthma.
'INSIDE THE HAT, THERE SAT A CAT'.
No,no. You cannot have a cat sat inside a hat, think of the allergy ramifications!
'THE MAT WAS GREY'.
Safe, neutral colour.
'THE HAT WAS GREY'.
Camouflage, I like this!
'THE CAT WAS HOLDING A BASEBALL BAT.'
Now, you're running a fine line,threatening behaviour!
'WHO GIVES A DAMN WHERE THE MAT CAT SAT?'
The jury's out........
Monday, 3 December 2007
Thank you so much for your long and very interesting letter. It did take me a while to decipher it, though. Perhaps you could use a keyboard next time, as your writing is a little difficult to read.
I couldn't make head nor tail of some of it!
As requested, I am replying through my column (oh, I do hate having to use that term!) to protect your privacy.
You certainly have some interesting issues to deal with.
First things first.
The man who is cutting holes in your door. You didn't mention whether you know him, or if he is some sort of wandering madman, trying to get in. If it is the latter. I advise you VERY STRONGLY to call the police IMMEDIATELY.
No, no trying to talk to him. If he is using power tools to break in, dial 999. It's for the best, lovie.
Secondly, you say that you feel that nobody listens to you. Oh, my dear, my dear. We all feel that way sometimes. Are you using the right language? Simply changing the tone of your voice might be all it needs to make people sit up and take notice.
However, it worries me rather that you talk about jumping onto your housemates' laps to get their attention. This is not constructive behaviour, sweetie. You'll get a reputation if nothing else! And you might end up hurting someone. I know it makes you feel better in the short term, but think about it...is it the kind of thing that you can carry on indefinitely?
Finally, the destructive behaviour. You didn't go into much detail about this, and to be honest your writing was rather hard to understand here. Were you getting very excited when you wrote this part of your letter?
I made out the words "kitteh skrach skrach skrach" I think. And "Ah luvs mah klaus!!111!!!" but I was left a little bewildered by this, I must confess. Were you referring to a dreadful experience at a childhood Christmas perhaps?
Anyway, I think you need to try to get out into the fresh air and take your mind off things.
Maybe meet a nice girl or two?
Have you thought about taking up a new activity? What about singing? It is TERRIBLY good for cheering oneself up, sweetie. You might discover a voice you never knew you had!
Please let me know how you get on.